S05 E05 Zulu Empire transcript
To listen along to the full audio episode, click on this Zulu Empire themed link.
This week we’re heading to the African continent in the 19th century to talk about the Zulu Empire. If you grew up in Britain and you’re above the age of 30, you’ve probably heard of the Zulus.
For the Brits, the Zulus might still be the most famous African pastoral people ever. Why? First and foremost the 1964 film Zulu, starring Michael Caine, which always used to play every Christmas. For some reason.
Phil:
I've got an empire now. Ho ho ho!--
And if you’re thinking - why show a film about the military exploits of the British empire at Christmas? The reason is that in the 60s, Britain still very much had an empire and was still very empire obsessed. Even more empire obsessed than now, if that can be believed.
And I guess the reason that the Zulu are famous is because of what the opening of the film is about. Not the main bit of the film about a heroic victory of a small bunch of British troops holding out against an overwhelming Zulu force. Because technologically superior British armies were typically outnumbered. But the absolute drubbing the British Army took at Isandlwana on 22nd January 1879 when they tried to invade the Zulu empire.
This was the first proper military engagement between the British and the Zulus, and the British got their sun-burned bottoms handed to them.
So how did a bunch of spear wielding savages (as many of the British certainly saw them) manage to defeat the most advanced military force in the world at that battle?
Who were the Zulu? Where did they come from? And what did this famous victory actually cost them?
Phil:
We were actually nominated for a podcast for best new episode.
Ed:
Zulus?
Phil:
Yes, but there’s always next year.
Ed:
Did you steal that joke from my Beano magazine joke of the month in 1989 and pass it off as your own?
Phil:
Did you steal that joke from a 1950s black and white film and pass it off as your own?
Ed:
This introduction is over…
THEME is a take on the opening to The Lion King.
Cooountries that don’t exist anymore
Countries that don’t exist anymore.
They don’t exist. Don’t exist anymore.
Countries that don't. That don't exist.
Countries that don't. That don't exist.
And in case anybody writes in about using a Lion King song just because we're doing something African, the original language of the beginning of Lion King is in Zulu.Or at least the internet says it is.
Phil:
So it’s just cultural appropriation.
Ed:
The Lion King IS cultural appropriation. So it’s impossible to culturally appropriate cultural appropriation.
Phil:
Do you have any idea what you’re talking about?
Ed:
No, not really.
But in the South African cinematic release of the Lion King, the whole song was dubbed into Zulu. Indeed Zulu is still the dominant language of KwaZulu-Natal in South Africa, home to the city of Durban. The Zulus are South Africa’s largest ethnic group, with as many as 12 million. That’s pretty impressive, given that in the early 19th century, there were probably only about 1500 Zulus.
Where did the Zulus come from?
We're told the originated from Egypt and went south via Ethiopia, but that's not conclusive, and probably isn't all that important to our 19th century history. We’re told that the Zulu people were founded by a guy named Zulu kaMalandela in the 16th century.
Phil:
That checks out. America was founded by Amerigo Vespucci.
Ed:
I don’t think so.
Phil:
And Bolvia by Simon Bolivar.
Ed:
That’s not true.
Phil:
And Great Britain by Sir Hubert Great Britain.
Ed:
Huh. I didn’t know that!
More concretely, the Zulu mainly originated from the East coast of Southern Africa and were a small clan, part of a larger Nguni (En-goony) clan, who were part of the Bantu people. They’d migrated a century earlier from mid Natal to the Umfolozi river, about 150 miles north of Durban, where they lived in an area of 10 square miles, grazing their cattle.
Yes. The Zulu economy was pastoral and (reminiscent of our first episode on the Mercians) wealth was measured in terms of cow ownership. Cows were everything.
Nguni cattle were trained to respond to whistles. Each Nguni would have his favourite ox and would decorate them, show them off at social gatherings and even write poetry about them.
“Shall I compare thee to a summer's cow? Thou art…not as nice.”
Only men were allowed to take care of cows, since it was seen as the most important work. Farming, cooking and other things were seen as woman’s work. When the head of the house died, they’d be buried under the cow sheds.
Wealthy Nguni could lend their cattle to poorer people who would take care of it and take a share of the milk as wages. This was cattle clientship.
Moo-deulism.
A European eyewitness said of Zulu King Shaka: “Cattle and war formed the whole subject of his conversation.”
But cows were so valued, they weren’t really part of the Zulu diet. The Zulus main food were maize and amasi, a fermented sour milk beverage.
Beatles:
I'm cooking Zulu
What did you grow?
I'll make a maize dish
Cooked long and slow
The only difference is
We don't eat beef.
It's way too pricey
It's for the chief.
Why, tell me why
Was all this not stored right?
Milk has a nasty habit
Of turning sour overnight.
Doesn't sound delicious but I'm sure it all tastes heavenly, since Zulu actually means Heaven and KwaZulu, place of heaven.
What kind of government did the Zulu have?
So a kingship or a chieftan called an inkosi. The king could marry several wives and have loads of kids, but none of them were allowed to inherit. Only later in life would the king marry his Great Wife and his eldest son would then inherit the title and herd.
One of the benefits of this system was that it stopped sons from getting impatient and overthrowing you. So having a recognised heir only when you're old takes care of the coups. But it can't have been fun to be one of the many princes who could expect zero inheritance.
As for their political system, Zulu monarchy wasn't absolute initially. The king or chief was under the law and he could be punished by his own councilors for wrongdoing or mismanagement. The king was the law-giver, the judge and highest priest. But it was difficult to get heavy handed when subjects were very scarce and everything depended on a cattle economy.
The king had to take it easy on his people. Because if you didn't like the king, you didn't need to rebel. You just took your herd and go somewhere else.
Cartman:
One of the “Screw you guys I’m going home”s
Then in the 1820s, the Zulu quickly expanded.
Why did the Zulus quickly expanded?
One of the reasons was the leadership of a man named Shaka. He promoted a new type of warfare among the Zulu. Before Shaka’s reforms, warfare was more ritual. It was about throwing spears and showing strength and trading insults rather than a total bloodbath. And should you defeat your enemy in battle, the point wasn’t then to conquer them and seize their lands. It was just about them knowing who was boss.
Shaka was born in 1787, son of the chief of the Zulus. But he wasn’t expected to take over.
As we've heard, Zulu chiefs could have multiple wives but the heir would only come from the Great Wife. Shaka didn’t come from the Great Wife. In fact he was considered illegitimate, since his parents came from the same clan and this was a major violation in Zulu culture.
In fact the name Shaka means Intestinal Beetle. Apparently this is because people were trying to hide Shaka’s mother's pregnancy. But then why would you carry the name to full term?
Clip from Princess Bride: Inconceivable!
At the age of 7, Shaka was packed off with his mother to his mother’s tribe, before being packed off once again to the Mthethwa Clan, who were like the most important people in the area - controlling a loose confederation of 50 tribes, one of whom were the Zulu.
So Shaka grows up fighting for the Mthethwa and becomes a big star between 1807-16. Partly this is because he's fighting under a man called Dingiswayo, who's shaking things up a bit. Dingiswayo was another of these powerless royal sons and was.
Traditionally, you'd fight with your family members.
But Dingiswayo instead started forming fighting regiments where you’d fight with strangers and were led by a man of ability, rather than your flatulent uncle.
Dingiswayo also replaced ritual circumcision with ritual conscription. So at least you get to keep your helmet.
Rim shot begins but drum sticks are dropped.
In 1816, Shaka's father died and was succeeded by the Sigujana, the heir. Dingiswayo gave Shaka permission to go and overthrow Sigujana, take the royal herd, and raise himself a 500 - man army from the Zulu people.
As we’ve said, one of the major things new King Shaka did was to change the philosophy of war. Bye bye ceremonial strutting. Hello blood and guts. To make killing more effective, Shaka helped standardise a short stabbing spear called an Iklwa, which was best for close quarter fighting.
He also promoted enveloping tactics called the Bulls Horns, where the enemy would be engaged and fixed in place by the strongest warriors, while the men forming the horns would surround them. These attacks would generally be a surprise and come first thing in the morning.
Phil:
Sounds like a pretty predictable surprise.
But that didn't always mean certain death if you were an enemy. Shaka wanted manpower and was happy to absorb those who submitted. And he soon had a lot more men available to him.
In 1818, Dingiswayo was killed in a battle that Shaka conveniently didn't turn up to, allowing Shaka to add the Mthethwa to his empire and then in 1826, the Ndwandwe were added too.
By this time, there’s already the concept of regiments, but now Shaka started to reorganise all of Zulu society on a regimental basis. Regiments were 2-5,000 soldiers strong and were assigned to permanent towns strategically established throughout the kingdom.
The barracks were built between two thornbush defensive rings - think organic barbed wire. At the centre of this was an area used for military drills, exercises, ceremonies, dances and for court sessions.
Known as the Amabuto system, boys were taken from their villages at 14 to grow up in their regiments. It was an apprenticeship that started with cow herding and general dogs bodying until they could start training as soldiers.
Soldiers were then expected to live and fight together until they were 35, at which point they could return to their villages and marry if they had served well. At its peak, Shaka’s Zulu army had 40,000 soldiers - one sixth of its population.
Discipline was strict, Shaka's army had doctors and even an intelligence corps. There were also female regiments to create strong and healthy mothers. Men and women weren't allowed to form relationships or even have sex while still in their regiments. Sex and family were seen as a distraction from training and warfare.
In the Zulu state, being old, ill or just not liking fighting wasn't a good idea if you were keen on living.
Going from a population of 1500 to hundreds of thousands took a lot of organisation. Especially when you had to feed 40,000 professional soldiers!
Most of was this was achieved by a combination of conquest and central organisation where everything became the possession of the king, and then things were doled out accordingly.
Shaka's subjects were to think of themselves as abantu be nkosi (people of the king). When approaching him they said “Bayete wena Baba” (hail the father of the nation), then had to kneel and say “Bayete wena inkosi” (hail his majesty); when addressing the monarch.
There are lots of stories about Shaka, either praising him far too much or suggesting that he’s basically Satan. Most of them are a bit fishy. In one, he has a pregnant woman cut open just because he's curious. One of the less Josef Mengele ones is an origin story.
Batman music
When Shaka was a young teen he was herding cows and lost them all. He was so devasted by this that he vowed not lose any cows every again.
Phil:
That’s not much of an origin story. And how do you lose cows? They’re massive. If you said keys or Bluetooth earbuds, I’d believe you.
Ed:
It’s a metaphor. Cows mean people. He’d take care of them with love and discipline.
Phil:
But didn’t he invade lots of different herds, killing lots of cows and scattering more in the process? The story should just be that Shaka lost some cows and thought “I’d better get some more cows. And my eyes tested.”
So having all this power, Shaka kept his cool right?
Not so much. A failed assassination attempt on Shaka led to him being pretty suspicious and extra violent, including having people executed for not crying enough when his mother died.
And then he got super paranoid that everybody was trying to kill him and as a result they did. 3 conspirators killed Shaka and then the conspirators killed each other until they were left with one - Dingane, the new king.
Phil:
Why does anyone want that much power? It just sounds miserable!
VO:
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Patient:
Even executing my political opponent just doesn’t bring me pleasure anymore.
Therapist:
Maybe you need less tyranny and more tiramisu. Fewer meat hooks and a bit more me time.
Patient:
Thank you DictatorFix. I was considering abdication and suicide. Now you’ve given me the self-belief to unleash a new reign of terror.
But if you shoot for all the power, there’s always a chance that people may not love you. When Shaka was being killed, there are two accounts of what he said. Either:
“Children of my father, what is wrong?”
Or
“Are you stabbing me kings of the earth? You will come to an end by killing each other.”
Phil:
I think he just went “eeeeugh.”
Ed:
Yeah, or (gurgling noise).
But the rise of the Zulu wasn't just the story of Shaka doing stuff. During this time period other kingdoms were growing in power too.
So why were these kingdoms suddenly on the rise?
Portuguese ships had been landing at present day Maputo (Mozambique) wanting ivory and cattle (as food for the ships).
In order to get ivory, you’d need elephants and (without the cheat code called rifles) this is a very difficult thing to do without a very large hunting party. So some historians suggest these mega hunting parties were leading to more organisation on a larger scale.
And once you start selling cattle, there's suddenly more competition over how many cattle and how much land you can get your hands on.
Phil:
And that's why capitalism is best.
Yeah, but there was always trade in Africa including trade with India going back another thousand years or so, it's just that the goods to trade for were getting better.
Phil:
And that's why capitalism is best.
The ships bought beads, which was a commonly used currency, as well as manufactured commodities and modern rifles.
And then there were the complications of new crops coming in, which allowed for a population explosion, but at the same time a massive famine was doing the rounds at the beginning of the 19th century. In short, there was a lot of upheaval, and these great shifts were leading to fighting between clans.
Shaka was able to capitalise on this by promising those who join him that he would bring an end to the turbulence, the turbulence he had helped to cause. It's a classic move.
0:43 - 0:49
In a lightning conquest the Zulus go from 10 square miles to about 8,000 square miles, or whatever that is in square km, establishing the Zulu empire with a population of 250,000. All within 10 years.
So the core area was about the size of Wales, with surrounding client kingdoms putting the size of the Zulu empire to twice that size - probably talking the size of Switzerland.
And as the Zulu went to work destroying the competition, this led to an exodus of tribes that in turn went onto seize other peoples’ lands using decidedly Zulu tactics, who in turn displaced other peoples.
It was a brutal domino effect known as The Crushing and estimates for the number of deaths range from 1-2 million, with people spreading right the way up the East of Africa, as far as Tanzania.
Phil:
The Crushing might make for a good metal band name if it wasn't in really poor taste. Actually let me check….
There’s an Oxford based metal band called The Crushing. Their Facebook page says “Four men, some instruments and a childish sense of humour.”
Ed:
Does the world really need more men with a childish sense of humour?
Phil:
(Fart noise)
So the Zulu empire is formed when the Zulu people go from a bunch of insult-slinging cattle fanciers to Black Spartans - except actually tough, unlike the actual Spartans.
What was the Zulu religion?
Zulu beliefs were very much based on spirits and ancestors. 19th century Christian missionaries claimed the Zulu had one “Lord of heaven” but this seems very convenient, since this is what they were trying to convert them into believing.
In Zulu culture, there is a creation myth about the first man, Unkulunk-ulu, who created all things. Interestingly this man wasn't a god and he didn’t leave any laws. He just turned up before time began and got it all going. Then he died.
But there was and is definitely a supernatural element in Zulu society. Witchcraft was considered very powerful and very real. In fact Shaka in particular had people executed on suspicion of witchcraft. Not for puritanical reasons, but just with the belief that said witchcraft would be directed against him.
The Zulu had and have a concept called Ubuntu, which boils down to “I am human because I interact with other humans and nature.” and there's some solid stuff about balance and harmony too.
And slightly less harmoniously, it's important to balance out this history by introducing two other groups of people that are going to be key to this story. The British and the Boers.
What were the British doing in South Africa?
Oh, the usual. Colonisation, exploitation. Classic late modern stuff. The British took over the Cape of South Africa in 1806 from the Dutch during the Napoleonic War - as it was a vital part of the sea trade route to the east. But this was in the south west and well out of the way of the Zulu. So no immediate problems.
This changed in the 1820s when British settlers were placed in the fort of Grahamstown to guard the Eastern border against the threat from a people called the Xhosa (Kosar), who were a much bigger deal to the British than the Zulus. In fact the British had been fighting the Xhosas for 100 years.
Who were and are the Boers?
From 1652 to 1795, the Dutch East India Company had run the Dutch Cape Colony, which attracted colonists, mainly from Northern Europe. The word Boer comes from Trekboer, basically meaning walking farmer in Dutch and Afrikaans. In English, another name for walking farmer is Playstation exclusive. Take THAT Ponies!
But why all the walking?
In the mid 18th century a number of farmers started walking north away from the oppressive Dutch East India company. While they had good reasons, including finding more land for their cattle herds, it's fair to say that the Boers were fiercely independent and didn't like being told what to do by central authority. And this will become a bit of a theme.
They repeated this trick in the 1830s when they left British control and ventured north. The British had displeased the Boers by taking the oppressive step of abolishing slavery, and the Boers loved a good slave or three.
But the disaster that was the Crushing also had helped free up land.
And conveniently for the Boers, they reckoned that God had come to them and told them that this bit of Africa belonged to them.
Phil:
The Israelites, the Franks, now the Boers? God is certainly promising lots of land to lots of people. Let’s hope this doesn’t lead to trouble down the road…
One group of Boers reached Natale and really liked it. And what’s not to like? It's both sub tropical and super fertile, so they set up their own country called Natalia.
Unfortunately some people already lived there. The Zulu.
But, as when one people meet another, it doesn’t have to be all bad.
Song:
Burning, looting, trading and saluting.
Burning, looting, trading and saluting.
Burning, looting, trading and saluting.
Burning, looting, trading and saluting.
All this they do, Boer meets Zulu.
Exactly.
Meanwhile, yet more encroachment into Zulu territory occurred when the English speaking settlers start settling at Port Natale (modern Durban), apparently with the agreement of Shaka.
This turned into a very difficult situation. The British didn’t want the Boers butting heads with the Zulus or Xhosa. And they effectively wanted to control everyone in one way or the other. That said, the British didn’t officially annex Port Natale until the 1840s.
Popping back to the Zulu timeline, in 1828 Shaka was assassinated. Dingane takes over the Zulu, who are now at the height of their powers. Now all they had to do is to interact successfully with land-hungry Europeans and everything would be fine.
Phil:
Said no archeologist ever.
In 1838, Dingane met the Boer leader (Piet Reteef) to settle border disputes. In return for the Zulu respecting their borders, the Boers have to return various cattle that belong to the Zulu. Dingane then invites Reteef and 60 or 70 unarmed Boer leaders to his enclosure for a celebratory dinner.
Now if you’ve seen the Game of Thrones episode with the Red Wedding, you might guess what happens next. If you’ve only seen up to season 3, episode 8 Second Sons… spoilers!
Phil:
I’ve only just seen the Red Wedding episode. Amazing stuff! And like 70% of the main characters killed off. I can’t imagine there can be many more episodes before the final and exciting climax?
Ed:
Mmm.
Song in background: murder on the dancefloor.
According to the legends of the time, the Boers ate their fill, the dancing started and then they’re all killed. The Zulu then launch a series of raids against the Boer settlements killing about 500 men, women and children.
Phil:
Is this a definitely happened?
Ed:
There’s a lot of mythmaking and varying accounts of what happened, but we know that Piete Reteef and about 100 Boers were clubbed to death by Dingane’s men after a botched land treaty. This may have happened because the Boers rode into their camps on horses shooting guns so annoyed Dingane, or Dingane found out what was in the small print of their border settlement or because somebody committed a faux pas during dinner.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yPp5B2m7QwE (0:40 - wrong knife)
In December 1838, the Boers made a vow to God that if he allowed them to massacre loads of Zulus, they’d build a church unto him. And God must have been like:
God:
“Well, I created heaven and earth and all life and the planets and galaxies and black holes and quantum mechanics - but a stone and wooden church? I wouldn’t know where to start. Ok, it’s a deal.”
Things come to a head at the Battle of Blood River on 16th December 1838 where the Boers create a wagon circle, known as a lager, to fend off the Zulus, killing 3,000 of them in the process. The horns of the bull had nowhere to focus and the Boers continuous volleys of rifle fire made it hard for Zulu forces to get close.
For Afrikanner nationalists, the Battle of Blood River became proof that God has recognised their right to the land.
Phil:
Silence means yes.
After the Battle of Blood River, Dingane’s half-brother Pande decided to ally with the Boers so he would be able to defeat Dingane, which allowed him to become King of the Zulus in 1840.
Pande comes to an accommodation with the Boers and they agree their border on the Tugela River - to the north, the Zulu empire. To the south, Natale.
And despite infighting within the Zulu Empire, this agreement actually lasted for 30 years, albeit a 30 year relationship with hostility and grudges. Also known as a marriage.
And then the British had to go and spoil it all by doing something stupid like annexing Natale.
Why did the British annex Natale?
The British didn’t trust the Boers. They didn’t trust their influence in Zulu politics or the politics of other African peoples in general. In 1843, Natale was absorbed into the Empire on the pretext that the Boers were invading a people called the Bhaca, stealing their cattle and taking them as slaves.
But rather than saying “fair enough, we’ll come quietly” the Boers go back to their trekking ways, heading north and establishing two colonies of their own that become the Transvaal and the Orange Free State.
And hot on the Boers tails, the British start getting involved more in Zulu affairs thanks, in part to a man called Theophilus Shepstone.
Who was Theophilus Shepstone?
Aside from winning the British Empire’s silliest name competition every year since his birth in 1817, Theophilus Shepstone arrived as a child in South Africa with his family in the 1820s, who were one of the OG settlers in Grahamstown.
And if you’re thinking another arrogant imperialist coming to dominate another people, you’re not wrong, but Shepstone wasn’t quite the bluff ignoramus stereotype you might imagine, being fluent in both Zulu and Xhosa.
From his experience and insight, Shepstone believed that African peoples couldn’t be ruled directly and should only be governed using their own laws and customs through an intermediary. And, to be fair to him, if you will insist on ruling another people you have no business ruling, then I guess this philosophy is better than dressing pastoral people up in starched collars and knickerbockers and saying: “Your name is now Timothy.”
Shepstone moved to Natale in 1845 and becomes Secretary of Native Affairs, and picked himself an AKA, an Africans known as…and that was Sumseo - apparently meaning famed hunter, though the story goes that they started calling him that after he ran away from an elephant.
Phil:
They also called him Browntrou-o meaning leader with clean white pants.
However over the decades Shepstone took a position in 1873 which meant that instead of being the great defender of the Africans, he switched to the great oppressor, persuading the British that the best thing they could do is to destroy the Zulu empire.
But like how Shaka wasn’t just one person turning history on its head, neither was Shepstone. And his change of heart may be explained by something bigger that happened in 1867-8.
Diamonds were discovered in the Cape Colony, leading directly to Elon Musk tanking Twitter over a century later.
Phil:
Oh well. I never liked it anyway.
Ed:
Me neither. Follow us @ctdeapod.
To get at those diamonds, the British needed labour. This led to a mini gold rush with mass immigration into South Africa and a demand for food, transport and lots of things that needed to be built.
And since slavery had been off the cards for a little while, the British needed Africans to “volunteer” for manual labour.
But the Zulu weren’t having any of it. They had a pretty good subsistence living and if they fancied more cash, they could sell their cattle or excess food to the hungry British colonists. Why would they go building railways or mining diamonds for other people? Pointless.
Song (Diamonds are forever)
Diamonds are expensive
Lead to exploding populations
And then cultural devastation
If you're Zulu they'll ask you to work in the mines
Or invade you.
Diamonds lead to problems
And they're sharper than a bull’s horn
Create land grabs and more white scorn
Not even Shaka’d hold back the strong lust for green backs.
Bloody diamonds.
But that said, the Zulu couldn’t help but notice the booming population and the threat of these colonists expanding their operations here and there, and they were offered the perfect home security solution - guns! All they had to do was go to Kimberley and they would be sold guns.
But the Zulu weren't stupid. They could see the existential threat that were the British and their leader, Cetcweyo, generally speaking tried not to do anything to provoke them.
Who was Cetchweyo?
Cetchweo was born in 1833, the oldest son of Mpande. Like Shaka, he wasn’t expected to be chief. But through military prowess and building alliances, he’s able to take on and defeat his brother in 1857 and becomes the next Zulu heir and co-ruler with Mpande. Unfortunately for Cetchweyo, trying not to provoke the British is a difficult business when you’re dealing with the likes of Sir Henry Bartle Frere.
Who was Sir Henry Bartle Frere?
He becomes High Commissioner for South in 1877. Frere was already very distinguished and influential having been knighted for very bravely oppressing some Indians during the 1857 Indian Mutiny. So now he’s going to try and use that invaluable experience to ruin some African peoples' days too.
Frere is sent to South Africa by superiors and told that he has to reorganise South Africa so it can be turned into a neat and tidy confederation within the British empire. And one of the first steps is to break the power of the Zulus (along with other African peoples like the Xhosa) so that they can be turned into properly civillised South Africans/ eager diamond miners.
Incidentally, Frere isn't told he has to conquer and subjugate the Zulus. Just make sure they know who's boss. And if Frere could just do the same to the two Boer republics too…
Lumberg:
That'd be great.
But it wasn’t made clear to Frere how this was to be achieved, with the British government even saying they definitely didn’t want a war, they had one going in Afghanistan and didn’t want another. But that proved tough for Frere. Maybe it was the lure of massive diamonds or like Shepstone are spreading rumours that King Cetchweyo was actually plotting war on the British in a fiendish plan to take over all of South Africa.
Phil:
Wasn't that the British plan?
(How could you possibly know that etc…)
It's a ridiculous idea of course. The Zulu had no intention of facing the British in battle. Frere told the Zulu to basically “be better chaps, work in our mines, or we'll invade you.”
It's an incredibly poor excuse for an invasion and I often wonder why powerful nations even bother coming up with reasons when what they want to say is…
Charging cavalry and bugle
“We just felt like it…”
11th Jan 1879 - the invasion of the Zulu Empire begins. The plan is to send in 3 columns. One in the north, one in the centre and one in the south.
The 5,000 strong centre column is led by Lord Chelmsford (who's the commander in chief). He marches his men to the mountain of Islandwana. He then splits his force again, leaving 1700 men to form a camp and taking the remainder off the find the Zulu army. These 1700 were 1000 regular soldiers and 700 colonial and African soldiers. The reason that Chelmsford is splitting his forces is that he had fought a completely different load of natives the year before and he'd had to chase them down to get them into battle. He was told multiple times that the Zulus were aggressive and not afraid to face you head on, but he refused to listen.
As hard as it is to imagine arrogance and a 19th century British colonial commander going together, but Chelmsford was arrogant. He was unprepared, didn't do the most basic reconnaissance and didn't see the need to since he figured that one British soldier and a modern breech loading rifle could take on any number of savages. Rather makes you wonder why they needed to invade in the first place really. Just to shoot people I guess.
In the very early hours of the 22nd January, the Zulu attacked the camp at Islandwana with 20,000 warriors. The camp is completely slaughtered. Chelmsford was actually even told the Zulu were attacking the camp and he dismissed it as alarmism.
“Poppycock, codswallop, balderdash. Attack? Someone must have stepped on a tack. Yes, that's the scientific explanation.”
This has gone down in British history as one of the most cataclysmic defeats of all time.
Chelmsford has to bear the blame. Yes, the camp was taken by surprise, but the optimal response was to lager the wagons, i.e. put them into a defensive circle and let the attrition of rifle fire do its thing. Chelmsford had instead ordered that should an attack occur, the wagons should be lagered and then away from that the regular troops should form a line with colonials and Africans on the flanks. Just what the Zulus could work with.
Phil:
And this is why Chelmsford would suck at PC games.
Ed:
The tragedy is British troops instinctively understand how to get lagered better than any nation on earth.
A few survivors escaped to Rourke's Drift, a nearby supply camp on the river, inhabited by only 100 fit soldiers and 39 ill soldiers. Their first instinct is to flee but one man called Dalton says that's the worst thing they can do since the Zulu will always be able to track them down and kill them. The better option is to form a defensive fortification and fight.
4,000 Zulus attack, these were the reserve the didn't fight at Islandwana, and over the next 12 hours there's a raging battle. Possibly 1000 Zulus were killed as opposed to 17 British troops. Heroic stuff! Except after the battle 500 Zulu POWs were then executed. Which I don't remember Michael Caine saying at the end of Zulu.
They’re saluting us. Great! Let’s execute them.
2:34
That said the Zulus apparently did the same thing at Islandwana, including disemboweling their captives. So revenge.
The thing is that Britain bigged up Rourke's Drift to take the edge off Islandwana. Islandwana should be more famous. Chelmsford should have been sacked. In fact Rourke's Drift was used as a political crutch to prop up the government in Britain.
And as a British person, I hate that. I hate that the Christmas film we grew up on was the hangover of some propaganda to save the career of some politicians. It's monstrous!
The final battle came 6 months later at Ulundi in a great victory for Lord Chalmsfird. Or he said it's a great battle. Actually more of a massacre. After which the Zulu captives are all killed again. In revenge for Islandwana.
Ed:
Can you get double revenge?
Phil:
No, only single revenge. Double revenge means you've started the whole revenge cycle again, because now they have to get revenge on your revenge revenge to balance things out.
Ed:
All of that sentence made sense to me.
But saying “the British Empire did this and that” so we can feel righteously angry is wrong. The fact of the matter is that colonial authorities had a lot of leeway to act as the local experts without too much central interference, but this led to bitter enemies within the British leadership who had very different political outlooks and beliefs.
Ok, there were probably not that many people saying “this whole empire thing is totally wrong” but a very wide variance on how much of it should be done and to whom.
And it wasn't just factions. Even with steam ships and telegrams, it could take up to 6 weeks to get a message delivered from London to South Africa. And 6 weeks was a long time to disobey orders and then say ”sorry old boy, I didn't get the message” later.
So lots of powerful people back in Britain weren't happy with the way that Lord Chelmsford had conducted the war. And a new man, Wolsey came out to “sort things out.”
Cetchweo was captured and exiled to the Cape and then Wolsey broke the Zulu empire into 13 different chieftans and appointed leaders who were hostile to Catchweyo. The result of what became known as the Kilkenny Cat Settlement was surprise surprise civil war amongst the Zulu.
Catchweyo briefly returns, unity is not restored and then the British roll into bring peace by killing off all of the elders and leaders at a second Battle of Ulundi. Cetcweyo died in 1884 and left an heir too young to unite behind. Zululand was then made part of Natal in 1887.
After further unrest, Ulundi was burned on 4th July 1894.
The British have a bit of a fascination with the Zulus. This was at a time of great racism, of course, but the Zulus were seen as magnificent specimens - fit, strong and not degraded.
The Zulu revolution amazed the Victorians. Shepstone called it “so wonderfully strange” and decided that Dingiswayo, the predecessor of Shaka, much have stolen his ideas about government, standing armies and training from white people.
The Zulus were admired as a “martial race” and then had been discussions to give them a regiment in the British Army. You could also get one for your villa as a servant in white linen to show off to your dinner guests.
But the Zulu people aren’t some exotic novelty.
In fact, they continued to survive under British rule and Apartheid South Africa and today thrive in a free South Africa, with a new king Misuzulu Zulu being crowned in 2022, in a 85,000 seater football stadium in Durban.
Misuzulu Zulu’s name means strengthening the Zulus. Let’s hope he can.
How did Zulus beat the empire?
With so few slew
If tribes knew how they did it to them, they’d have joined in too
____________________________________
Cows do transform Zulus
Into a powerful crew
The more cows you add to the herd, the more they moo.
-_
They unleashed the Crushing, burned all the huts
Learned to use an ikwla
And went from insults to sharp cuts
But won't you tell me how do they did it?
How did Zulus beat the empire?
With so few slew
If tribes knew how they did it to them, they’d have joined in too
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